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Pieces of me
Pieces Of me
:::pieces of me....:::
I'm under a lot of stress.
I don't mean 2 be!
I'm dealing with this the best i can
I'm lonely for a certain someone.
I love him a man i never met but online!
He seems sweet & real .
I don't want 2 regret anything that's happened 2 me
even the bad shit that takes majority,
because that's life.
I hope i'm right about him!
One day i hope 2 feel her in my presence again
if its Gods will,We can make our relationship more
stronger & deeper when i see them.
I have worn my heart on my sleeve again!
I can't say its been torn by him.
I've shared much of myself with him,mentally
& emotionally.
He haven't hurt me so far i trust him,It feels right
in my heart.
I want us 2 be 2gether sharing a night & the rest
of our life under the same roof,I'm just scared!
I'm tryna learn 2 deal with shit i'm feeling better.
Sometimes it seems i try so hard & i fail.
I'm tired of being a failure
falling apart at the seams like a lose thread.
I want 2 be somebody.
I'm already me!
Am i really though?
I'm tryna find myself but i'm lost .
So gone in the mind!
Vanished in shit i been through.
Looking in the mirror at a distorted image of myself.
Am i crazy for that?
All the shit i been through has hurt & damaged me!
I'm not sure how 2 restore whats left of Lasohnda
I'm trying 2 deal with so much.
Its hard 2 cope with the disappearance,Of my daughter
& her name being change 2 M.I.A...
I wasn't perfect but i did the best i could!
I don't remember ever hurting her.
I remember loving cherishing & holding her
she was so precious...
Now all i have 2 hold on 2 is the memories we use 2share.
what am i suppose 2 do with all that?
In a box within my heart it Sits unlocked
killing me slowly,I don't want it 2!
I don't want what was such a beautiful memory,turned
pain 2 demolish me.
I have a son whom is special my second chance at loving
a gift giving 2 my womb with him she's never replaced!
My feelings is just a disgrace.
I want 2 cry!
The tears are trapped inside..I don't know how 2 release them 2 the outside.
They sit still like a puddle of raindrops.
I told people i think i'm losing my mind,They think
i'm fine i'm not though!
I'm overwhelmed with pain & hurt hiding behind my smile
No one can see behind it,I cry hard & silent.
Sitting here typing away my hearts bruises i feel gross
like a disease,I just want 2 shower & wash the dirt away! but i cant because i can't wash me away.
I'm still tryna release the demons of the little gurl
trapped inside,She'z dead she never got 2 live a cool life.
I'm tired of waking up everyday 2 this strong grievance
for a daughter i once loved!I still love but she's gone...
I don't know how 2 cope with that.
I have this little king i love him with every heart beat beating away inside me.
I'm scared he'll get took & hate me 2.
what will i have left then.
Sitting here wounding my fingers with each letter of these
feelings!My trapped tears are finely fallen my throats burning,& my soul feels numb.
My minds keeps going like a overflowing sink!
My thoughts are flooding me it seems i'll never find peace,
unless God helps heal the broken pieces of me..
