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Unanswered Letter
9:49PM
3.11.07

I'm just sitting here on this sofa,watching you sleep! on your stomach,in your red old navy shirt & diaper.I remembere when i first found out i was pregnant,I was joyed yet scared.
I was scared that they would take you away from me like they did your sister.I never got closure i never got to say goodbye to her & itz haunted me everysense like a night mare that want go away.Your farther(sperm donor) wasen't happy bout it,and reacted the way he did.I stayed away from him because of it.Now when you get older you can go see him if you want to.his name is corey D.H.I remember telling the doctor.I was in labor .Noone belived me they gave me laxtivez & anxiety pills.I got to the walgreens .I kept feeling you drop within my womb.I got the presciption filled took them then .I threw them back up and shit.Then i bend over my mama tub tryna take a shit cuz, thats what they said i need to do.
My mama seen the crown of your head & told me to stop pushing.I couldent stop i pushed in pain bleeding & crying.then you came out.I don't know how i felt when i heard your voice.I guess i was emotionally numb for a minute.(i told them muthafuckahz i was in labor)I was scared to love you!because i was scared they would take you away..they tried to take you away when i got to the hospital.saying that i supposly told them i was smoking crack.I never told them that shit.I even offered a urine test.I passed it they treated me like a criminal,putting you in a lock area of the hospital.police & guardz blocking my room.I felt gross & violated.they gave you back after cps came & found nothing wrong after treating me nasty.thatz not even all of the story they did more shit.but its cool i got you.everyday i struggle with the fear of losing you at three for no reason like i lost your sister.I dont want that i love you!!! I tried fighting that feeling but i cant anymore.Its to late i love you 2 death,even when your throwing your fitz & getting into shit.your my babe & i love you with all my heart that doesnt already hold your sister.please understand cherish it in your heart cuz thatz real.Your my hero your keeping me alive.I love you son i swear to god i do.....