PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I've been shy my whole life. This fact made it difficult for me to make friends. And even the ones I did weren't my friends for long. Few men showed interest in me through my youth. And most of the ones that did, I wasn't attracted to. So when one boy/man showed interest in me, I latched on to that attention. When I was 31 after very little potential for finding a husband, I felt desperate. Desperate enough to post a Craigslist ad. I received dozens of replies. Only two amounted to anything. One was a guy I fell for but who rejected me. The other was an older man I entertained although I didn't really like him. But he listened to me. He listened and asked questions and acted like he cared about me at a time when I felt like no one else did. So one night when I was at one of my lowest points I gave my virginity to him. And over the course of 6 months I continued to see him somewhat regularly for the sole purpose of sex. Often unprotected. I remember thinking that I didn't really enjoy it that much but it was worth it to get to the cuddle session at the end. After the 6 months, I met the man who would become my husband and now 6 years later, we have been married for over 3 years. But the older man who defiled me has not left my life. I tried to remove him many, many times but when I would get lonely, he would be there. And now the more I think about the more it seems to me that he never really cared about me at all. He saw someone who was vulnerable and exploited me. He preyed on me because of how inexperienced and naive I was. And realizing that is making it easier to move on from that chapter of my life.