PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Counseling was very, hmm, different.  I broke down crying.  For a week I have been suppressing it.

My counselor and I were catching up.  Helping me understand and solve current situations.

Then he said: "Brandan.  It is good seeing you.  I am leaving the tribe."

"These are my last two weeks.  I just wanted to share you have helped me become a better person.  You have helped me deal with my own anger better."

"Professional, you wouldn't know but I wanted to share you have enriched my life.  Sharing your art, poetry... your wisdom."

"You are a man of such intense passion.  Thank you for everything you have shared and taught me."

I was also admired by my counselor on my strength and honour.

All I could do is smile.  I came here for help and healing.  In turn, I touched a life and inspiration for goodness.

Then I broke down.  It is me not allowing me to grief for my loss of my grandpa.

I was asked why.  It is the emptiness.  All I could is nod my head.

I said I face that emptiness enough on a daily basis not having son with.

This hollowness.  This painful emptiness... is why I stayed drunk so long.

I paused to stare out the window as I choked back tears.

I admitted the truth finally.  I was not strong enough to face the emptiness I carry.  So I stayed drunk when possible in order to ignore it.  Now, I suppress it without alcohol but I cannot be doing this either.

I will be strong for my mama, but when it is proper for me I will let my grief out.

I sit at my desk and see my mask.  Last time I was home, it was not the same.

Pulling up in his back driveway.  The window empty.  The home missing Grandpa.

It was the point I didn't want to see.  Grandpa is gone.

The last four hours of my shift dragged in sorrow filled humdrum.

Tomorrow I will be setting aside my grief for a while in order to work on some art projects.

I really hate cancer.  It is claiming people that mean so much to me.

Alas, my code doesn't really allow me to hate.  Even at times I do want to hate, but I stop to remember my teachings and the code I chose to live by.

My mama's pearls of wisdom: don't be an asshole and Hate is too strong.  You cannot take it back.  It is damaging.

Today is about grief, passion, honour and strength....

Tonight it is music, poetry and tears.

Good night family and friends.  Be well.