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One Man
How in the world can it possibly be
that one man is everything that you are to me?
You are my greatest joy, maybe the love of my life
yet every other day you bring me heartache and strife.
You are my sage advice giver, seducer, clown.
The one who judges me harshest, hurts me, brings me down.
I have walked away from you more times than I can count
yet with each passing day my love for you mounts.
Every time I say No more! I’ve had enough! It’s painful to see your face!
You tell me you respect my needs, understand me, will give me space.
But it doesn’t stop me from thinking, dreaming, missing, wanting you.
The pain gets easier, but frankly part of me stays blue.
Then you’ll come back and my light of hope shines bright again
until I realize you’ve come back not as a lover, but as a friend.
I desperately try to respect the boundaries you set.
But once again you give me reasons to praise the day that we met.
I say over and over, no, don’t fall, he’s not the one for you!
So then why is love the feeling I’m facing through and through?
It’s your smile, your eyes, skin, hair, body, face.
The way you talk to me makes me feel safe.
I’m drawn to your aura, your spirit, your heart
I’m drawn to your hard work, sense of humor, and smarts
You’re absolutely the complete package, maybe not for everyone, but for me.
And when I think of what we could be together, I long to let my heart ride free.
But you won’t open your heart enough to let me in.
You’ve been hurt so many times before I don’t think that I can win
this battle between me and your history, your past.
It may be impossible – I don’t know if I can last
long enough to prove that what I say is true, lasting, real.
Then again, it is possible that when you look at me you feel
absolutely nothing more than a brotherly affection –
and THAT sends me spinning into a deep, dark direction.
I want to be rational, understanding and move on.
But every fiber of my being tells me this is where I belong –
with you. By your side. As your friend and so much more.
Yet these feelings seem unreturned, and that pierces me to my core.
Although I wonder, are you not drawn to me as well?
What makes you come back again and again? Maybe YOU fell
into some kind of feeling for me you can’t define;
or perhaps you can’t trust it because of the scars left behind
by those who came before me, who betrayed you so deep.
Is there anything I can say or do to get you to take a leap
with me into something that could be so right?
Something fantastic may be hiding just out of sight.
But if you don’t give it – give us – just a fraction of a chance
I don’t know how much longer I can continue this dance.
Because as much as I love you to the depths of my soul
there’s a part of me dying in this little role
that I’m currently playing on the stage of your life.
I want to be so much more than a friend, maybe even a wife.
I say “maybe” because there’s a chance that I’m nuts
that my feelings are the result of a lengthy series of ruts
that I’ve found myself in again and again
so I’m latching on to someone who’s just a friend.
No.
I don’t believe that for even a minute.
I know myself enough to know that this isn’t
just some passing feeling, a fancy, a flight.
Not something that could be cured by one night
of intense passion to get you out of my system.
This isn’t something simple where you whisk in
and then back out as if nothing changed.
The fact is even if you left, I’m never going to be the same.
And I don’t regret a single moment with you.
I just wish those moments would be numerous…not few.
I want to be your partner, your lover AND your friend
But it’s the answer to what you want that may make this all end.
I fear I’m at the end of what I can do
and I’m afraid this time if you go I’ll be through.
Through with all this time spent waiting
time spent wishing, time spent praying.
Through with leaving my heart open.
Through with dreaming and with hoping.
I think I may have gone as far as I can
As far as I’m willing for any one man
Even when that man is as perfect for me as you.
Even when my light will be darkened if we’re through.
Limbo should be a simple game, not a state
where I exist doing nothing – where I wait.
I know we both deserve happiness and love
I only wish there could be a simple, clear sign from above
that made it so obvious to both of us what the answer should be –
Are you the one? Am I the one? Could the two of us become “we”?
But the sign isn’t coming – or maybe it did and we missed it.
Or maybe didn’t want to see the truth that existed
right there, in that empty space between us.
Or maybe you saw it, but I was oblivious.
Either way doesn’t matter, because though my love isn’t waning
My ability to live with this torture is too straining
on my every day existence, on my life, on my soul
And sooner or later I’ll have to let you go.
You are only one man, amazing to me – it’s true
And never in my life did I dream of one man like you.
