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Dear God
Dear God,
I think its time we had a conversation, I need to talk ,I need to know some of this contemplating, meditating , rearranging thoughts ain't really working for me, so please lord be patient, why you give me everything that I need but not necessarily I want, but I'm a sinner I remember all that liquor all them blunts, why you kill my best friend? man that dude he was perfect, why didn't you take me? Or am I really worth it? I sat and blew my life away and you gave it back? But I did it by myself because nobody was in tact, its ironic because them same people who left me, when my life was getting heavy, wanna come back and be ready, to be my best friend, all of the sudden when I'm about to be the man, but you look and smile? Oh you wanna shake my hand? But the wrongs that I made and consequences I paid you were invisible, it was no longer us just individuals! Tell me God am I wrong spitting on these people that didn't wanna stay for his funereal? Tell me God am I wrong? Am I wrong?! Because they said they would be there but now they left they all gone? So tell am I wrong now? feelings that I've recovered from the things I don't speak ,past times that I buffered, but you wanna judge my wrong my rights my battle and my fights? When you in the sight of the devils eyes? When I sat there as you cried? Tell me God what to do, because I feel this anger taking over and I don't wanna be kid that I was I wanna be closer, closer to the path I'm facing and I know I could do it but tell me God why? Just why haven't I pursued it? Tell me God why I got a family and isaiah sister lonely, I can feel the hurt in voice when she told I was the only, reason why her life was messed up and damn that was coming from my homie! I always blamed his death on me but when it comes from some one else the emotions that can't keep holding! But tell me God as you do that, why do you make me get over it, and keep pushing, keep stepping, the feelings I'm controlling its, scary, may I admit that I'm scared? when I look at his picture all I see is a mirror? Tell me God I wanna be the best but why I can't I do this for myself? I mean I wanna do it for isaiah, but self perseverance would it help? Or would I melt? All these problems lord God but another just cries, but you answer my prayers, and another just dies, but you answer my scares as another one lies, I'm a sinner and I sin but you give me forgiveness dear lord is it just me or is anyone a witness? Of getting everything they need but they crave what they want? Because God I do stray I'm only human, with these wants, tell me God why the one I love don't give me no attention but they with someone else while I watch and listen, Tell me God why don't I get mention by the face that I use to be kissin' now all I do is reminisce on a time when my life was in an abyss, but God why do I like that way? Why do i wish for this? And I try to stray but you've got so much forgiveness! God I want to know why all those past times that I buffered ,memories that displease to the eye even when its covered, why the hell you put me through all this and make me suffer?? And that was then this is now, and I realized it made me tougher
-Kris Harbor
