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i don't know where i am going, i don't know what i am doing with myself and my life anymore. it is a mystery to me what will become of me. i have stopped feeling and when i do feel, it feels wrong. i am in love with danger, and of course the love comes at the wrong time, not able to love freely and the person in love with me, i loathe. i loathe his ways, his eyes, his mean spirit and who i love, doesn't love me the way i want to be loved, the way i should be loved, the way i want him to love me so of course i am torn, yet again torn with the decisions to make and afraid of making the wrong decisions so i am just lingering, lingering thoughts, lingering feelings of despair and empathy for my life, for my wretched life that i live and yet i am still here...trying to exist in the middle of nothing called misery...