Two's a crowd

never been good in crowds

didn't have the feel for that 
collective rush
felt more like...
dying
to tell the
truth
 
I recall once
an icy cold 
winters day
the kids huddled
round the
schools front door
trying to
get out of 
the bitter winds
 
the door is locked I
have no idea what the
adults were thinking 
(maybe they 
we're in their
own crowd)
unaware --
it was the coldest day
of the year
 
what I remember was
the kids knocking
pounding kicking
at the door
pressing
straining in
as one
 
"let us in"
someone said
immediately
others joined the
chorus yeah 
let us 
in
 
then someone shouted
"we don't need no .."
and unorchestrated the
crowd 
took up the re-frain 
"... education"
that was it the
spark that started the
(r)evolution
 
me i
didn't know the 
song not
back then 
anyway 
not yet
initiated 
but my body
has never forgotten 
:hey there teacher's leave 
those kids
alone"
 
i've never been the same since --
the irresistable press, the
sheer mass of
parka'd bodies pressing forward
synchronized according to
some (un)wholy,
unknown harmony
a terrifying unity of
dissent 
 
and here
a whole generation later
at the
top of the
world you
tell me you want
t(w)o feel
needed and I feel
it again that old
tightening of the
chest
 
me i'm 
thinking i
love U I
want U but
there ain't no
way I   'm 
ever gonna let
myself "need"
U I('ve)
been working 
half my life to
avoid losing my-
self
again
 
so here we
are in this
existential
stand-off 
with our incommensurable
compromises
backs up
against the
proverbial wall 
of our primal
necessities as 
it were 
 
a candle 
between us a
fire 
in the hearth against
the winters
wrath we
negotiate this, the
human con-
dition 
 
i lift my
glass two the
to of us
not one yet
no longer quite
alone
on the coldest
night of the
year
 
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