Author Information
In Memoriam
2012
He sat on the bench looking out to the crashing waves. Peter only knew they were there due to the noise. The moon that lay high in the heavens had decided in her own wisdom not to shine any light on the waves. But the sound of them lapping against the beach below, crashing against the rocks unhid them but only for moments. And then nothing but silence, even the constant cry of the seagull had dissolved into nothing but a breeze. It was there that Peter’s memories were given form and it was here they sometimes came to life. He waited for a moment but nothing happened, it never did until the time was right. Peter closed his eyes and let the night consume him, the wind took him to another place far, far back into a past he at once regretted but also adored.
2000
Each strum of the guitar exposed Peter to a part of his heart he never knew was there. Sofia sang the words, her body moved slowly to a rhythm. Found in the feet of those lucky enough to know what to do with the beat of words. The ones that came from the deepest place of the heart. She glanced over to Peter who sat silently feeling the words through every cell in his already tired body. A smile emerged on her face, at once inviting him over. But also in the same breath keeping him away. Peter’s insecurities were doing a hell of a job at that anyway, instead he closed his eyes and dared his self to fall into a fantasy.
He opened his eyes again and there was only him and Sofia, she moved her body slowly towards him. Her red dress tightly clinging to her long slim body Peter shuffled nervously where he sat. Each step that Sofia took, took a breath away from Peter’s chest. She stood in front of him and gently grabbed his hand pulling him into her, a spotlight shone down on them from somewhere above. A place Peter could not see but what did it matter here he was and here she was. There hands touched and Peter shivered as he suddenly found his self dancing through the darkness, Sofia’s body and his moved rhythmically, the music faded into silence and the only beat they moved to was the sound of there breathing. And with every breath he thrust into her, Sofia’s back arched as they became one melting into the other with only the moon as witness
Peters fantasy began to merge with reality, Sofia was standing in front of him there eyes joined. The music began and the rest of the world disappeared there was only him and her, they moved slowly to the beat of the words. Peter was lost in her eyes and lost in his pain, She touched his side and pulled him closer but dread began to fill him he shivered. His skin became clammy and panic took hold, Peter tried to back away but she pulled closer to him
But that past never left his side, Peter stood up from the bench and walked to the edge of the cliff, the tears of the planet looked back up to him enticing him in. In those moments when he connected with nature, he herd in the breeze his name being called “come peter and join us, be free of your pain and never hurt again.” The offer he considered for a moment, but only for a moment. Peter returned to the bench he saw something glint in the darkness a syringe lay on the grass. Picking it up he paid no attention to its contents only wanting a release from his regrets, slowly he dug the needle under his skin and pushed down. Old blood mixed with new blood, the pain spread through his body like a bullet from a gun penetrating the skin. It only lasted a second but he hoped no matter the pain it would help him forget forever.
2001
“You shit, why cant you just leave me the fuck alone” Sofia’s voice came at Peter as cutting as a sword. He fell apart inside, not knowing what to say he walked away into a sun rise. Peter wanted everything to stay and tell her how he really felt, but the words would never come, they just stumbled from his mouth like bile. Those words that did could never describe how he really felt for her only the echo of a heartbeat could. Peter felt his phone vibrate, he didn’t answer knowing it would be Sofia.
He turned around before leaving and saw her, an empty soul standing there in the sun’s shadow. Peter had never saw her so lonely, why could he not just go and stand with her offer her some comfort, in the dark parts of the day his guardian watched in silence. Reminding Peter he was here to do what he had to do despite his feelings.
Even the poison did not deaden his memories or the shadows of feelings he’d once had and still did. He stood up and looked to the heavens and screamed out loud “why me? What have I ever done to deserve all this?” he wanted answers but as always they were not forthcoming they never were. God in all his wisdom had decided to disappear, he was there for the good stuff but the bad never made an appearance. Peter kicked at the bench in front of him he sat down ignoring the call of the waves and he cried. His pain fell to the ground in the form of regret filled tears, his mind filled with images of her, of Sofia. Now in this darkness of his soul, Peter knew what he had to do if he didn’t then Sofia would be no more. That was if his nightmares were to be believed, Up in the sky the stars and the moon who had so many times bathed his life in magic. Suddenly seemed to turn away he and the stars knew how it would end. The nightmare had told him all, closing his eyes Peter could see it, as if the vision was happening now. He could see Sofia standing down a alleyway waiting for her next job then a man would appear.
He opened his eyes not baring to think but knowing deep down what happened next, every time he closed his eyes he saw it. The fight, then Sofia coming into the knowledge the man was just to strong. Then the blood, the man was not his self but someone that knew Peters secret, a man whose obsession had been given form.
2000 summer
The trees moved silently in the warm night breeze, Peter and Sofia lay side by side only there arms touching. Both watching the stars in the sky, “its beautiful” Sofia whispered in the darkness. They both moved closer to each other, their bodies attracted to the other through something beyond just the physical. Peter rolled onto his side and dared to sink deep into her eyes to take the same journey as Sofia. A one he hoped would end in her heart, but deep down Sofia’s feelings did not reflect his own. Sofia moved towards Peter and looked deep into his eyes instinct brought them together and love would split them apart. But for now in this moment they were feeling the same, they were not hiding anymore. With the stars looking down on them they kissed.
2012
Peter was still soon it would come to an end, he stood up from the bench and looked over the edge of the cliff. In the darkness he could hear them coming, he was the reason Sofia would be killed by the man who was obsessed with Peter. The news outlets would report that the man was mentally ill, that Sofia had died in search of angels.
They were near now Peter could see there shadows and hear Sofia‘s screams, if Peter died then the man would know Peter was human, He took his final steps but before fate intervened, Peter turned around one last time and looked deep into Sofia’s blue eyes. If he closed his eyes he could see them dance one last time she wearing red with only a spotlight for company. Peter took one final step back and with silent tears fell back and with that he became free of his pain and returned to nature.
Sofia screamed out as she watched Peters body fall into crashing waves, the man fell to his knees he now had proof angels did not exist but with that he also needed another reason to justify his life. With mornings light no body would be found, and only the waves and the stars would remember anything by morning Peter and any memories he left would be no more.
1st Century AD
Peter opened his eyes with only a voice in his mind saying one thing over and over again “support my son, in what we have to do” he looked around to see a man kneeling in a garden praying in the shadows roman guards waited. The man gently said looking up to the sky “Abba father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will”
There was a movement in the background and the guards came towards the man, with horrific realisation Peter began to know where he was, there was a pause and everything fell silent. No birds and no breeze it was then the male known as Judas kissed the man who was praying on the cheek. Peter fell to his knees as the guards took Jesus away into the never ending darkness.
The end (for now)
Copyright 2012 john brunton
