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Hi kim,
I’m at work right now, it’s been a long day and I have a headache,
I rarely get headaches, I think to myself: am I dying?
It sounds like a joke, it should be a joke, I don’t know why it’s not,
Probably because I so fear death, I fear losing all that I have,
I should say sorry more often, I make many preventable mistakes,
Life is difficult: I have you, that means I have you to lose,
If either of our lives are cut short, we both lose too much,
I haven’t been rhyming, I don’t care – my head hurts,
I guess this isn’t a poem, more like a choppy journal entry…
I’m depressed, but this time it’s for an uncharacteristic reason,
I’m so fearful of losing everything, everything we have – all we have – is simply time,
Fear reminds me to appreciate, yet it distracts me from appreciation,
Fear reminds me to never take for granted once – if – it subsides,
And if it subsides, if I’m lucky, swept up by life I forget to appreciate,
In this lucid moment, when I realize life has nothing to offer except others,
When I realize everything is meaningless except for this moment,
When I realize when I die, when you die, nothing – nothing will change,
When I realize how utterly alone we are, when I realize I waste time by such realizations,
When I realize I am utterly helpless to evading such realizations,
When I realize you and I will be faced with premature last gasps, premature they always are,
I realize all will be black, I realize I will no longer be able to realize, from here so far,
Love shines like the slivers of blinding sunlight flashing off of reflective surfaces,
The rest of the time is taken up by life – life and love – in the end only death surfaces,
I don’t want to go, don’t want to lose what I rarely realize I have, don’t want to lose our slivers,
Thoughts plague me, I hate my head, I remain still as the world shivers,
I don’t want our moments to end, each one a treasure never to be possessed – only known,
And in this moment, for this moment, I comprehend – fleeting are the slivers of happiness I’m shown,
My shift draws to an end, I begin packing up, my head doesn’t feel right,
I not great at life, no – I’m definitely not, know I love you before we both slip into the night…