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Get It?
It feels this way.
Like I don't matter.
If I did, she would talk to me about how she feels, right?
Like I do matter.
After I snoop and pry I learn I am loved, she says to someone else.
Like confusion and mystery and other forms of miscommunication show love.
Lies through omission.
I look for the light in myself and she walks into the room and turns it off.
I am wasting precious energy, it seems.
The pain has grown legs and stands on it's own.
So it can face me and remind me that, in real life, I am alone.
I am grateful for her love, why does she feel different?
Why does she want me here, when I stay in another part of the house that
could of been our home?
Why does she seek me out to tell me she has nothing to share?
I have never felt like such a burden.
Up all night tonight too, just like the one before.
The combination of exhaustion, being rejected and the physical pain..
...I have no choice or any choices for that matter.
I am with someone who is afraid of honesty, of course I make her happy.
I said I was confused.
It feels this way too.
I have my lack of skill to express this feeling poorly to you who are probably more confused than me because she is your friend because you two do say what it is you want to to each other and walk on your sexist egg-shells and pre-judgements.
I am truly misunderstood.
