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Numb
I feel numb, from my head down to my toes, in my heart and in my soul, I am numb.
From the rivers and the lakes, to oceans and rippled puddles, I am numb.
My pulse lowers, my eyes flutter shut, and my fragmented memory closes off, numb.
I walk by you, you... With you knowing everything about me and me knowing everything about you, to strangers. You look numb too.
We avoid eye contact, like the dead trying to avoid death, or would it be life? Either way, we are to numb to make the effort to try, we're numb.
I sit alone in my own little corner, where it's cold but comfortable, calming with little conflict, and ultimately numb.
I make it home and lock the door and sit on my dusty bed, looking at the pale-yellow roof, I think, "the world is beautiful, knowledge is beautiful and powerful, and now that I know what you think of me, with that full knowledge, it's become suffering".
I reach over the bed onto the shelf raised to my left, and with a shaky hand I grab a shard of glass from the broken picture of us together, me and my brother, my role model, my will to change for the better. My numb eyes let a lucid tear crawl across my face.
I squeeze and feel the dark liquid crawl out between the new grooves in my hand and let it drip onto my clothed chest, I smile, I finally smile after all of this, and it's not numb, it's alive, and moving, and crawling around, gasping to be inside of me, but I let it die, continually squeezing tighter to let them free to die.
I place my right hand over the left and reach straight up and go for the left side of my chest, my shirt goes dark and my breathing goes heavy, I pant and choke and feel my eyes drift away dreary, to a peaceful sleep.
And now, because of you, I am completely numb, my eternal slumber will never be shaken because of that life force that I forcefully removed from my life. Thank you, for killing me, I love you now more than ever, you should get some sleep too, you deserve it... Sweet dreams.
