So I have this terribly morbid idea.
I was thinking
that even if I do manage to achieve my "perfect self",
to rid myself of the flaws that haunt me,
my beauty is still destined to fade as I age.
The thought terrifies me.
No matter what I do
I shall end up ugly...
and most likely alone.
And so I had this idea.
This revolting solution to my fears.
Achieve my perfect self,
with flocks of admirers singing my praises;
dress myself up something glamorous,
with razor sharp eyelashes and crimson lips;
and then...
blow my brains out.
It's so selfish.
It's so simple.