PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Okay so now we're gonna examine the world of annoying and maddening commercials. I don't know where to start since commercials cause me to run a gamut of emotions only to leave me empty at the end.

Since my claim to fame seems to be for drinking way too much beer and then trying to wax poetic on the compulsive behavior, I will first go into some beer commercials. First I'll bring back an oldie from my youth before I even started drinking beer. There was the commercials for Schaefer beer. They had their little jingle “Schaefer is the one beer to have when you're having more than one”.  In and of itself, this shouldn't bother me. Problem is that my last name is Schaefer. Many a morning I feared going to school lest I hear obnoxious classmates singing the jingle. Then I would grow up to learn what a wretched brew it was. Some childhood trauma never leaves you.

 The Miller commercial with the hot dogs boiling in the pot is just horrendous. This will whet my appetite for beer, how? I have boiled hot dogs and drank cheap beer. It's not something I would advertise on TV or a medium potentially viewed by millions. That's a guilty pleasure that should be kept to oneself.

 I hate Budweiser commercials. They are actually good, well written commercials. Many of their commercials are funny. Some are actually artful. The reason they peeve me off is because I was once naive enough to actually run out and purchase the product being endorsed. You live. You learn. Sometimes it's a painful lesson. Of course, Bud was being promoted by frogs. Should I really have been taking advice from creatures whose diet consists of flies and pond scum. Now I know why they were eating pond scum, though. It was to get the taste of Bud out of their mouth.

 I am also greatly amused at the notion that swigging cheap beer will serve as babe magnet. They're up on the mountain or rafting and all the babes are falling all over them. All the hot chicks want a dude who can't afford a beer more expensive than Busch. I have often wanted to throw a brick through my TV screen when viewing these Busch commercials.

 Corona commercials also set a gimp off in these parts. Miles from ordinary? How can something so bland pass itself off as exotic? I would expect at least some taste to advertise miles from ordinary. It gets me so mad when I see these commercials. Ugh, give me beer with taste and let me enjoy myself. 

It may surprise people but the beer commercial that upsets me the most is a Sam Adams commercial. It's the one where the three guys go into the house of beer with 190 beers but they won't even look at the dusty beer list. They're just so sure of themselves and they order Sam Adams.  I understand the commercial aspect of things but I expect better from Sam. They should appreciate the aspect of beer exploration. I would expect this mentality in a Bud or Miller commercial.  Jim Koch knows beer and he should know better than this.

 That gives us six on the beers. I also hate all political commercials. And 527 has become a wretched number in my book. That would require a separate piece. Of course, it did influence my vote if I could only remember who I actually voted for.

 I'm getting sick of Jarod even though I like Subway. I get tired of hearing how scarving down Subway hoagies led to extravagant weight loss. I hate all commercials promising dramatic weight loss. Have the guts to advocate methamphetamine or shut up. Realistically, I don't recommend anyone go to that length. You'll lose much more than just a few unwanted pounds.

Fast food commercials showing smiling, friendly employees are annoying. I can also do without pizza delivery guys that are too cool. It just ain't the real world. You're working at McDonald's because you're young and don't know better. It's fast food. You go there for convenience or to save money. Maybe the employees are cheerful in an attempt to hide their laughter. They realize that you're burger was dropped on the floor and you're fries include a few mouse tails.

The Burger King commercials with the guy waking up with a plaster head king in his bed is just atrocious. That goes way beyond most normal fetishes. Maybe I would enjoy the croissant with egg and cheese but do I need someone in such an outlandish outfit climbing into my bed? My affections cost more than a fast food breakfast. At least, I would like to think I'm worth more than that.

I really could go on and on. Most advertising gets my goat. There are some good ones but usually I prefer to hit the can or go fetch a brew. Maybe if there were more truth in advertising or if the commercials were advertising something worthwhile it might not be so bad. I may have to come back with a more specific list but my doctor is concerned about my blood pressure. I hope everyone is okay with me venting a little here.