I'm a woman
but I'm not a bitch, trick,
prude, rude, limited to the
salon or kitchen in oven mitts.
I care about myself so I try to stay fit,
and though I know I'll never be supermodel perfect,
the thought of never being it
doesn't bring regret.
I care for my family and friends,
especially my children...
...I do whatever I can for them,
even when all I can isn't
even a portion of what I'd like,
for them I still do, not just try.
That said, call it tradition,
call it pride,
but though I'm a woman alone,
I don't go chasing guys.
I won't make a move unless
he invites.
Games I don't play,
deceipt I despise,
I'll go all the way
if he meets me halfway -
a man who's a man
can ride with me to paradise.
Respect, love and trust me,
his past I won't mind,
the future's still a dream,
it's the present with me
that counts at any given time.
As long as he's true,
steering clear of lies,
able to conversate
and sit in comfort when it's quiet,
a man who is who he is,
strong spirit, heart and mind,
this is what I'll spend all for
until the end of this lifetime...
...doubt much,
but don't doubt these lines.
Don't mistake me to be
like every other she you meet,
I never have been
and never will be;
always been of some quirky
stock, choosing to be me
instead of the exact carbon copy
that the general mass oft seeks to be.
Be straight about what you need,
what you want and if it's me,
I'll do what I can to ensure regret
is something you never see...
...I can't open up if all I see
is a closed door to the person that is me,
or if I have to be the one to question
whether or not I am what you want or need.
So I lay in wait for that one man,
that man who's worth the wait
and worth the fight, worth my heart,
worth my hand.
Temptation may knock at my door,
call me, and plead,
and though the monster inside me cries
for what I want,
the heart of me stands for what I truly need.
As weary as I've grown,
as often as I've led myself astray,
I cast the bullshit away
and continue to do what I need to do
as I wait for what's real,
what is true,
who is mine for this lifetime
and at the end of my days.
Author's Notes/Comments:
Started 01-12-12; updated 01-16-12; last edit 01-17-12
Author's notes updated: 07-19-12:
This was inspired by some recent conversations and bits and pieces of conversations I've heard, circling back to that conviction I stand for - quality versus quantity.
As much fun as it can be to give into that temporary need/craving, it leaves so much to be desired. In the end, I ask myself if it's worth it. The answer? No. It isn't worth it. I have too much depending on me, and I love myself enough to know I'm worth way more than that. I'll save the best for the best, period. So done, so over with shallow and superficial b.s. that may have littered my life here and there... time to keep it simple and focus on the things and people who matter and will always matter. Someone who's worth it will prove themselves worthwhile... And if someone chooses to throw me into a secondary, tertiary (or worse) pile, then why would I give any importance to that individual? In the end, the people who matter are the ones who sit on that two-way street of relations - family, friend, business acquaintance or otherwise. Even a once in awhile maintenance of that unspoken contract between folks marks a person worthy enough to keep around (even on the fringe) in my book. But if a person chooses to overlook another, then why waste any more energy and time on him or her? Kick 'em to the curb and say good riddance. Your life is better off without. That person did you a favor and saved you a crapload of heartache.
Some might call the preservation of intimacy that I touch on in this poem antiquated or outdated/silly. I think it's the best way to weed out who will be worth the fight and who can take a hike. Sure, it's not a foolproof way to dissuade a persistent lay, but it increases the likelihood that someone in your life in that romantic capacity is gonna be there beyond the dark nights and stolen moments throughout the day. This doesn't go to say that all intimacy is off-limits - only that one has to trust themselves and her/his readiness to take a relationship to that level. I guess it's more of an argument for high selectivity versus complete celibacy - controlled intimacy versus no control. And by control, i don't mean to disregard the wild abandon behind closed doors, I mean more control in terms of timing and release.
--I've recently had the good fortune of being able to learn a lot from one of my awesome Regional Managers and we've discussed a wide-range of topics from health/fitness to education to spirituality to relationships. Him and his wife have what I believe is an ideal relationship. In his words, "she's the only one to this day who has met me halfway as I'm running up the stairs to see her."
It was refreshing and relieving for me to hear the advice from someone so successful at everything in life (relationships and all) that my thoughts/beliefs are on a good track. Sometimes it's absolutely necessary to reserve the best of what you have to offer for someone you don't have any doubts will be (figuratively speaking) "running down/up the stairs" to see you, ready to meet you halfway. If your mind/spirit isn't clear enough, you cannot be clear and certain about much anything except that you need to clear your mind/spirit. Something true will last between two people who are certain and committed to consistently working together through everything. Being together through it all. Good and bad. 100% give, 100% receive.
It is quite possible to make that choice to keep it simple and uncomplicated. It either is or it isn't. But two people must make the choice in agreement that it is... If one person doesn't agree, then it isn't.
End of thought train.
