PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

It's like Kaskade's song said,
"I have an angel on my shoulder,
but a devil in my head."

On one plane, I seek to live by a code,
reserving myself for what's thought
to be the higher road.

On another, I gravitate to freedom,
unbridled and wild, stripping the chains
and becoming free of inhibition.

On one hand, I feel the depths of feeling -
wholehearted emotion that would have
a cold-hearted cynic miracle-believing.

Yet the other part of me couldn't care less,
looking out for number one,
and aside from general courtesy and kindness,
will ultimately forget about the rest.

On one face, I've got more than just me;
obligations to lead, my blood in me to believe,
and that point at which being reckless
is g-o-n-e, left for the p-a-s-t.

On the other, I am just me,
regardless of who looks up to my deeds,
and (oh yes) I know I haven't always been
the picture perfect frame of all that's holy.

Maybe my conscience has grown too much,
and I can't just submit to uninhibited lust;
but then again, even amidst having a short phase
with no-strings-attached men,
I couldn't count a long list because even
as crazy as I can get, my own pride limits using them
as means to my ends.

But can I really hold in the reigns this time?
Forgoing the things that a large part of me craves
and submitting to the words of the conscience in white?

Is it really possible for me to restrain
from following my little devils' advice?

I know I've got a will stronger than some,
but how does it translate in the end?

When finally released, I will be the embodiment
of "crazy abandon"... maybe this is the better
route for both me and my next one...

...whom in my most innocent hopes would be
the last one.

Cause is it really fair for the man I would love
to have me come to him all used up?

How many times should I make an exception
before it's too many for me to find acceptance?

And how many times will I make my mistakes
before I learn that in the end,
no matter how many I take,
I will not find that fulfillment I crave...

...only that temporary relief
that (most times) will lead to an insatiable state...

...the animal lurking behind the gates.

And it's true - we can live off of cake all day,
but a complete meal (like vegetables and steak)
will prove much better to satiate.

So not just for ethical reasons alone do I stay
in the middle of this mode - this split state -
but I lay in wait for what's practical
and most rational for my body, heart and brain.

In order to be safe and avoid the same mistakes,
I continue to lean towards the angel's advice
and not allow my devil to lead me astray...

...though everyone has their Achilles heel,
and mine seems to be when temptation
moves from mere fantasy to that which is real
(thoughts moving to action that I can
physically feel).

Lord help me... I guess this is what it is to be human -
a split being between "good" and "evil".