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My Sweet Child
I cradle your tiny body and my heart is overflowing with emotion. I feel inept, guilty, not good enough.
You are my eternity, my sunshine, my happiness. My love for you knows no bounds. I am moved to tears by the shear force of my love for your tiny being, and yet in moments I feel I fail at illuminating this to you. You are my peace, my darling, the only reason for my existence. You are the reason for my breath, one after the next, the reason my soul was set upon this earth. I have never felt a meaning in my existence, until you.
I watch you play at times, and envision the man you will become. My heart bursting with pride at all that you are, on your own. All you are growing up to be. I feel blessed. You are teaching me, my love. I have never pondered these bounds of existence. I have never known such facets of life existed, and yet through your innocent eyes, I gaze at the world as you see it, and am relearning everything I thought I have known.
The world is for you, my love. Please know with a confidence I never knew in my youth, that you can command your future. You can be whatever it is in this world you wish to be. Only you will stand in your own way; I promise you, my sweet boy, that nothing can stop you should you have the faith and will as your driving forces. I only hope that I never forget these feelings. I hope I do not become swayed in this way or that by the delusions that this world has put in our way. I don't think I will. But here, this prose, serves as my proof, that one day I gazed upon your innocent face and saw everything you could do. Knowing that you hold all the potential in the world. You are special, my baby, not because you are my son. But I see something in you. So does your father. You hold a kindness, an innocence, and a wisdom, well beyond your 3 years. You are far advancing my wildest dreams in what I hoped for in a child, already. You are so devoted. So loving. So silly and cute. So forgiving and kind. I hurt you sometimes, with my short patience. I'm sorry, my love. I regret losing patience with you instantly, and yet it happens again and again. I am still finding my way in this world too, my love. Trying to accept things that my heart holds so much fear towards. Trying to understand that with faith and prayer I hold so much power. But I am definitely feeling that I am on my way to that inner peace. So I want to save you the hardships and heartaches of learning these things the hard way. I know you will need to experience life, in order for some of these lessons to substantiate themselves in your soul, but take it from someone who has lived almost 30 years ahead of you. 30 years of history lie as my teacher. Let them be yours. And trust the words I tell you, my love, for I will never lead you astray. I love you bigger than the oceans, bigger than the mountains, bigger than the skies, and bigger than all the universe. Forever, into eternity, and beyond
and as tears clog my throat, I breathe a breath of gratitude to my Lord for blessing me with you. You have been my biggest teacher of all
