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At times I dont know what to think,

the pain was so hard the only freedom was the green,

the sharp objects where my friends,

every night they will hug me so hard,

Ill cry with much pain, sweet red,

sleep for a while then I awake,

the glass cup of water,

darkness in sight I drank it wish this can be it,

every bday I had my only wish,

please dont let another year me a replica of this,

end my life, my only wish,

so many wounds in this sweet hard,

I wanted to fall apart, now I found someone,

a special person in my mind,

the one with a laugh makes me frowns turn into smiles,

some one that instead of the metal object I hold on my hands, now treads it for a pencil or pen,

the cold dark thoughts, changed them to good ones,

at times I cant lie, your tears,

and sayings of loneliness, really fucks up my mind,

the heart of your I wish can always smile,

but that I feel lonely, slices the heart,

my insides begin to cry ,

I try to do my best but you still frown,

I wish in that moment hold a 9mm straight to the dome,

say I am sorry for making that face frown,

but I hear youre I love you,

I then think, this is the girl of my life,

I told you in the past,

hit the pipe and blunt many times,

I say it was stupid,

cause I was a kid and wanted to try new things,

but the reality is that is fake I know exactly why I did that,

I saw many fall to the grown,

in seconds there life where gone,

so I took many puffs to lay there and rest,

but nothing happen, gas tic substance sure will kill my brain cells,

and my body will freeze cold,

but yet I still now stand tall,

my tears that fall from my eyes at this very moment are of pain and rage,

because I make you sad, and you are not by my side,

cant lie,

that substance you take does really crush my heart,

I want to see you and feel you cause you  keep me alive,

I really wish the only ice you take,

will be covered of vanilla or at least some strawberry flavor thang,

my heart cries at nights when I hear you with a sad voice,

is like the thing that I am doing is hurting you more,

I want your heart to smile, be happy fuck the mask,

happy inside, I live cause of you,

stay awake cause of you,

I love cause you,

I keep inserting blood,

instead of spilling it cause of you,

you are the lady of my  dreams,

without you I cant say I will be ok,

cause even if I say I am ok,

my body shakes, the pain so great,

but I know that I am still alive cause the pain,

twist my heart around, I try to grasp for air, but no air ,

I can receive, your love is the air I breath,

I really want to hold you on my arms,

your head laying in my shoulder,

touching your sweet face, telling you, I love you,

you are my life, everything will be ok,

cause today is you and I,

dont want for you to feel sad and alone you know that with a call,

ill be there, but I get you my dear,

I am not in your place,

I cant feel what you feeling today,

you might feel lonely and sad,

cause as you turn no one is in sight,

when you cry no one to dry your eyes,

when you want to hug no one to feel,

so I could say I understand you my dear,

and that notion that I am not there,

I can truthly say bring many tears,