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Love?
I thought I knew what love is
Probably when I first opened my eyes
Love for me meant finding a unicorn
Love for me was a human form of happiness
Love for me was a shield from the world’s darkness
Love for me was the end of all wars
Love for me was Prince Charming, a knight riding a white glowing horse
So… I waited for love.
Then I grew up.
Love for me became someone tall
Perfect
Flawless
Blond maybe?
Macho man
So… I waited for love.
Then I grew up.
Love for me became
An honest
Generous
Kind
Flawed
Tall?
NO!
Looks didn’t matter to me at this point
So… I waited for love.
Then… I found LOVE!
Or thought I did…
One time
Two times
Three times
But none of them were unicorns
None were shields
None were happiness
Until…
I MET LOVE!
Love was kind
Love was generous
Love was honest
Love was flawed
Love was funny
Love was… tall
Love was warm
Love was home
Love made me feel pretty
Love brought me from a dead, pale, lifeless flower
Into a red, healthy, thornless rose
Love put my guard down
Love felt like a blanket fresh from the dryer
Love felt like the first time you see snow
Love made me see life as the cup half-full
Love made long-distance a walk in the park
Love was fighting my battles along-side me
Love was there when i broke down
Love held me
Love made me feel worthy… of love
Love loved me unconditionally
Regardless that I didn’t fit “idealistic beauty” standards
Regardless of my unsteady weight gain and loss
Regardless of my so many insecurities
Love didn’t make me feel any less of a woman
But love…
Love loved two other woman
Love loved their reflection more than my affection
Love loved their clothes more than he loved me undressed
Love loved their social life more than my time and undivided attention
Love never loved me back
Love never loved me.
Now I grew up…
Love to me doesn’t exist
The feeling of love and the need to find love perished
Gone…
Love to me became clear
Love is a mix of feelings
Love is excitement
and love is horny
And that is all love is
Love is not a unicorn
Love is a horse wearing a horn
Love is not happiness
Love is a heartbreaker
Love is not going to stop wars
Love is a war
Love is not a shield
Love is a spear aiming right for the heart
I loved love
I loved the idea of love
I loved the idea of being in love
I loved the feeling of love
But love didn’t love me back
LOVE NEVER LOVED ME
