PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I don't understand what's really wrong with me, but lately I've just been dull, and I've just been bored.  I find myself questioning where God is, and I keep getting these thoughts that if God was there for you, then this would happen and the thoughts  yes make sense, but I know they are lies.  I mean what God does and how he does it is way beyond our understanding, so if a blessing does not happen God has his reasons. He has a plan for it, and knows the timing for everything. If it were to happen now like we want it to, it could mess everything else up in our lives.  Lately I've just been bored, and I don't really know what it is. I feel somewhat incomplete, and I do not know why. I've accepted Christ, I've seen the stuff he's done for me, and prayers getting answered but I still get lonely and right now I just think its because I need some affection.  I've been hyped about God many times and been excited, but lately I'm just dull.  All I desire to do is ministry, and reach out to people, but I have to be at work right now which I do not like much. I just want to be in College already and I'm tired of being broke, and spending my money foolishly. I'm tired of stuff crashing around me, but yet I am still able to pull through it all with God.  I'm tired of falling into the same sin over and over. I'm tired of the grudges family has held towards others. I'm tired of my hardened bitter heart towards family members, but those feelings won't leave.  I try, but all I can do is just sit here  alone in my room praying for others and reaching out to others. It's the only thing that gets me through, and yes I get excited and happy. I also have people I hang with but if I am at home I am rarely with family. I'm tired of it all, and tired of every little squabble that is in the family. I mean come on can't people grow up?? When I do forgive it just happens again, and this is what makes it even harder to forgive the 2nd or even 10th time. I feel hopeless here in this area, and yes I am just tired of it. It's too much to take, and I just want someone to hug, and its terrible to say I do not want family members hugging me! Anyone else it's ok, but family I am having a super hard time with. I never really felt like I had a close family cuz of all the emotional junk thats gone on. This is just some of the stuff thats been on my mind