PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Well I am still amazed I am here today. I mean there have been many times when suicide entered my mind. I never thought I would do it, never thought the desire to do it would grow strong. I used to get the desires and pray every single day that my life would just end, and I kept begging God I am ready to be taken. I remember walking to work one day as I was only getting 3 hour shifts, I was in so much debt, had no friends to rely on, my family was breaking apart, family members passing away, and well I never realized all this stuff back then. I just remembered the deep debt I was in and having no where to turn. I remember being in relationships that went no where. I remember the relationship I was in that changed me and made me happy, to only find out a month or two later it came to an end.  So where was I to turn??? There was emotional abuse going on around at home. Family members putting down other family members. My uncle turning from us, and going into drugs. My family members I now realize helped me were passing away from cancer. My grandmother should not have died that night, it was a very cureable cancer, but my grandpa never care. I found out later that he never cared about my grandmother and was cheating on her.  There was just so much going on and I suppose then I was just blocking it out when in reality it was effecting me to a degree without realizing it.  I remember the credit card company calling me and harassing me, I remember having to put up with rude drunk customers serving. I remember those times, but I also had some good times then. I never really had money and I just felt like I had lost all hope in a future. It slowly got better but there were still some things that were to unfold later on down the road.