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It Seemed As A Dream
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Pain/Ilness The room closes in around me.
Blackness only an edge away.
Then the burning, like a fire in my chest
spreading down my arm.
Lying on the bed I curl up into myself
trying to keep it from consuming me.
My husband's voice breaks through the darkness.
I say the only thing I can, 'I think you better call an ambulance....'
The shaking starts and I feel I can no longer breathe.
Up on the couch now, how...I do not remember.
Curled up again, shaking, fighting the darkness
that tries to cover me.
Breathing seems harder now.
Faces hover. Hands, voices, children crying.
My children....'Mommy, Mommy!'
I tell them all I love them.
Oh, the burning and lightheadedness is too much.
I want to give into it, just for awhile, to make it stop!
There's sirens now, lights, policemen.
They speak to me. I answer with slow nods.
My husband gives the long list of my meds and doctors names.
An oxygen mask comes down upon my face, giving some relief.
More people now, more voices, more hands.
Still, my children cry.
Paramedics take over, asking me so many questions.
I try to answer.I hear my husband answer for me.
I search the faces of my loved ones with pleading eyes.
I am scared...am I dying? Something is so very wrong!
Jostled down the stairs and out the front door.
So many people it seems. So many lights flashing.
I can't stop this shaking! I can't breathe right!
Into the ambulance I am lifted backwards,
I see my two youngest children in their bedroom window.
'Don't cry babies. Mommy loves you.'
The doors close.
We are moving now, but I have no concept of direction.
I know these roads! But...where are we??
Moving so fast with lights flashing, sirens blaring.
And all the while my eyes stare out the back windows,
searching, seeking for the headlights of our van,
knowing my husband is there, following.
My eyes hang on to those lights like a lifeline.
Then at the hospital, it all starts again.
More people, more voices, more hands.
Poking, sticking, questioning. So may questions!
I answer what I can, tell them all I know.
I am still shaking, still fighting the blackness that wants to take me.
Still trying to breathe easier.
At least the burning eases some.
My pressure drops too low a few times.
I see looks of concern between the nurses and doctor
...and my husband.
Doctor orders meds pushed in the IV.
I try to tell them...'My heart is fine...its too many medications I am on!!
Too many pills I take...something is wrong!'
More tests, more questions, more fear.
They admit me....
So much of that night seems a blur...like watching a movie,
a nightmare, a horror picture and I am its star.
My fears have come true!!!!
This disease that stalks me every day,
went in for the kill, the lethal blow.
It was the faces of my husband, my children,
the fear in all their eyes,
and the love that I see there,
that made me fight back!!!
This is one battle I have won!
