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Adam and (St)Eve [part 4 – finale]
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Humor Well, that was then
and this is NOW...
At first, I really missed paradise...
I mean...I REALLY missed paradise!!
That was a prime gig!
I didn't have to work...
Everything was provided for me and Eve
It was ABSOLUTELY perfect!
I think, that may have been the problem
Maybe, it was a little TOO perfect...
I've had to admit to myself,
I would have bitten that apple, sooner or later
I think, that's what his Bigness had in mind, all along
We were given the choice...
Eternal life, without toil, in total ignorance or,
a limited life, full of strife...
and searching for answers to questions
When he created a thinking creature,
he knew what our response to a choice would be
I stopped blaming Eve for my problems, long ago
And, we have two beautiful sons to show for it
Just watching Cain and Abel, running around, playing
makes it all worthwhile...
They're just like two peas, in a pod...
I have great plans for those boys
The future couldn't look brighter...
* * *
So, here I am in the REAL world
Compelled to fornicate with an oaf
And toil daily to keep life together
Washing the skins & fig leaves...
Cleaning the boys...
Gathering food...
While Adam pretends
To go hunting
Or herding
Or whatever...
And YES, they were painful
Extremely painful births
No happy gas or epidurals...
No doctors...
No comfy bed...
Nothing!
Except pain...
Did I forget about my sworn revenge?
No... NEVER.
Every day, while Adam was away
Hunting, herding, whatever...
I visited the Hormonus Replacementus tree
I had grown in our garden
(for I had secretly taken some seeds with me from paradise)
And ate from its fruit...
Slowly but surely
My body began to transform
Those frontal lobes
That Adam was so fond of
Began to shrink
“Ah well, I guess that happens
after giving birth” he reasoned.
And he was totally convinced
Of his ignorant theory
After I gave birth to Abel
In fact, he assumed all the changes
Were due to ‘childbirth’
The lowered voice...
The muscle gain...
Even my polite refusal
To his sexual advances
He was intent on having a third child
But he had no idea that this
Was no longer a possibility
For I had kept my ‘private’ parts
Secret and hidden, since Abel’s birth...
Finally the time came
To reveal all
And get my revenge!
Beware the wrath of God? Beware the wrath of WOMAN my friend... after all, “Hell hath no fury like a Woman scorned”!
“Adam” I say one night
“I think I’m ready to do it again.”
“Reeeeeeeally?” his eyes light up
Grin from ear to ear
And I’m sure there’s also
Ample amount of drool
Dripping from his slack-jaw
“Woohoo! Yes, yes, yes!” he chants...
As I said, it’s been quite some time now...
So we slip into bed
And snuggle up
Under the bear-skin
And he begins to caress me
(as tenderly as an oaf can)
And his busy hands soon find...
“A JOHNSON!!! DEAR GOD! EVE HAS A JOHNSON!!!”
Adam, bewildered and stunned
Falls out of bed
In disbelief
And begins to sob
I look up into the sky and yell:
“SO GOD, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT HUH?”
“WHO’S GONNA GO FORTH
AND MULTIPLY FOR YOU NOW?
ADAM AND STEVE?
HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!”
The sky darkens
There is a loud rumble
And suddenly...
The world disappears
Into a vacuum
The universe is no more...
* * *
There was an enormous sigh
So loud and penetrating
It stirred the oceans
And toppled mountains
It was the sigh
Of God
The universe contracted
And was sucked back in
To the singularity
From whence it came
“Right... a clean slate
I’ll try this again...
I have to get it right
Sooner or later...
It’s that damned “woman” concept
I just can’t seem to grasp it
This is the tenth failure in a row!
Hmmm... perhaps I should just create
A universe of hermaphrodites?
Yes... I think I’ll give that a go.”
And so God begun working
On another doomed model
Of the ‘universe’
*** THE END ***
© BoarLen Productions 2004
