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Rude Awakening.

I went to bed at ten thirty, for a Saturday the evening was fairly quiet hardly any traffic to disturb my dropping off to sleep. For a few minutes I missed the slamming of car doors how often people open and close doors when getting into and out of cars especially late at night.

I felt my arms and legs getting heavier and then all was dark in my mind. I had at last fallen asleep. I can remember no dreams just sleep, a sleep that relaxed every muscle while I was in that unconscious state that one only seems to get when one is very young. With age many things spoil such periods. Strange noises mainly the odd car sounding a hooter whether done purposely or accidentally such noises spoil the deepest of sleeps.

The next interruption was the loud ringing of the phone. To myself I cursed the man that invented the phone. Throwing on a dressing gown I stumbled down the stairs. Picking up the phone I mumbled into the Mouthpiece, Shaw here who is that disturbing me in the middle of the night?

A sing song voice told me that there were no Margaritas to be had and would I like a Diablo instead. No I did not explode, I played ball with the man from the Pizzeria. If you have no Margaritas then send me five Diablo’s and six pizzas mixed. And you also sell wine do you not. Yes Sir we sell wine. Good then send me six bottles of good red wine. How long will it take you to deliver? The squeaky voice a half an hour sir. Good then I will see you in a half an hour. Bye now.

I struggle back up the stairs to my now cold bed. I had forgotten to close the blankets before going down stairs.. I could not get comfortable, My thoughts turned to the squeaky voice on the phone. I spent at least ten minutes thinking of the best way to murder the voice that had gotten me out of my warm bed. From boiling him in oil to burying him in Flour were just a few ways of my letting off steam.

I gradually quietened down and dropped off into sleep that was not at all refreshing. In my dreams the telephone rang and shop keepers were continually phoning offering me such ridiculous things. Things so cheap and things that I myself had no need of at all. A man as far as I know has no need for Ladies underwear or children’s sanitary necessities. I awoke with a splitting head and a very bad conscience. Getting out of my bed I went down to the phone and spent a good ten minutes phoning one Pizza shop after the other. 

Not one of them had received an order for six bottles of wine and Diablo pizzas. I made myself a cup of coffee and was slowly sipping the drink when the door bell rang. Who on earth is ringing my door bell at this time in the early morning.

A young man looked at me and asked me if I had ordered six bottles of wine and some Pizzas.  I was tempted to say yes that was my punishment for you waking me up so early in the morning during my best sleep. I told my first lie of the day. No I did not order wine and Pizzas at this time of the morning. Now my guilty conscience took over and I heard myself saying, I tell you what give me one of the Pizzas and a bottle of wine. I can warm it up for my lunch. The squeaky voice, yes I recognised it, it was the voice on the phone, that had gotten me out of my warm bed. He went to his van and came back with a square box and a bottle of wine. I paid for the Pizza and the wine and went back into my kitchen.

Later on I think the Devil was riding on my back I decided to ring the Pizzeria, They worked all night, by day they slept. I thought an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. I heard the phone ringing, I settle down in my old arm chair and waited and waited then the squeaky voice sleepily said Pizzeria we are closed. In a loud voice I called into the phone where the hell are the Pizza’s and the wine that I ordered last night, if this is the best service you can offer I will have to change to another Pizzeria. I heard the squeaky voice making excuses and felt for a few moments a deep satisfaction, that will teach him to wake tired citizens up with his Pizzas and wines. Then Remorse set in, I had one terrible day. Nothing seemed to go right for me. Self pity set in and I felt that the world had let me down purposely. I now order  a Pizza every Thursday partly to make up for my poor behaviour and partly because the Pizza’s are damned good to eat. Especially the Diablo’s.