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CROWN JEWELS:

Something has happened in London Town,
They have stolen the jewels that belong to the crown.
The Queen, God Bless Her. Is not amused,
In Scotland Yard, The Law is confused.
Even Miss. Agatha Christie, In the best of her prime,
Couldn't compete with this Master of Crime.
London's Tower that has seen so much,
Was completely amazed at this daring touch.
Crown and Sceptre, Staff and Mace,
All been stolen from this historical place.
The Yard's best men are on the job,
The man in charge a very big Nob.
Prince Philip, Consort to the Queen,
Said, 'Its the best bit of thieving, I've ever seen.'
'He deserves a medal, Who-ever he is,'
'To rob those Jewels, He must know his biz.'
Newspapers reported this daring deed,
Was the Robber so desperate and in need.
Harbours and Airports, They are watching them all,
> From all over the Islands People do call.
Information, Rumours and Strange Reports,
Even the Scientists look up from their Retorts.
Television Camera's show scenes of the crime,
Commentators are speaking most of the time.
It has split the Country, On this we agree,
Some are unhappy, Others filled with glee.
For the British are strange, Where crime is concerned,
A deed of daring, Gets Merit well earned.
Bravo! The Police, The Culprit they've found,
The Jewels weren't Stolen or buried in the ground.
A Char Lady wanted to clean them, Poor Old Dear,
The best way to do it was to wash them in Beer.
So she took them home to show the 'Old Man,'
He said that he'd help her where-ever he can.
So They soaked them in Beer and polished them clean,
And took them back to the Tower, Shined up for the Queen.
This story is as true as I'm sitting here,
Singing, 'GOD SAVE THE QUEEN,' and drinking my Beer.

Bernard Shaw.