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i have no idea what to do anymorre i love adam more than almost anything, except gregory.... but i am so tired of feeling like shit. i just want to be happy all the time like we use to but i dont know if thats possible most the time i dont feel like her wants to be with me i barely feel like he does, ever since the incedent my heart is still broken because of that and who knows if i will ever truly get over it and the biggest problem is that i never forget anything especially the bad.. i hold on to it, and i dont think i will ever stop bringing it up when he hurts me there is just so much pain, and it seems like my life is surrounded by pain, like i am never going to be happy, and what if i stay with adam and cause gregory pain  all i want is to make my little boy happy and right now i dont think i will succeed i am that is killing me inside i just want the hurt to stop. And i want to make adam happy too but i really dont think it is possible for me to do that for him to be happy he need weed and i have weed who gives a fuck what he says it is a drug.... and as for him thinking its ok for gregory to smoke it that just pisses me off i never want gregory to do drugs....



How do you make some one happy when all they want is something that is illegal, i just dont understand.. i just want to forget all about sam thats all i want i want it to have never to have happened i want adam to be able to take it back i feel like no one can understand the pain i feel thought other people probably do it just feels like that.









Happy hahaha who knows if that even exsists for relationahips something is always bound to go wrong, something bad has to happen, atleast to me, cheating, lying, physical abuse, verbal abuse it all happens to some one everyday i am lucky though i have never been physically abused he would never do that but then in the back of my mind i think i would prefer to be hit that to take the verbal shit i think i have always been that way physical pain is easier cause eventually it will heal but that heart may never..... Every boyfriend i have had have verbally abused me except for one. but i wont say names.. i just want adam to love me like he use to...





People who read this i did not write this to get pitty just wanted to express my feelings if you read thank you for caring long enough, to read this i know it probably bored this brain outa ya but thanx