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CENTERED in my VISION,

I thought I was above definition,

Of my Lords’ foul verse:





“They are filled with all kinds of wickedness, evil, greed, and vice; they are full of jealousy, murder, fighting, deceit, and malice.  They gossip, and speak evil of one another; they are hateful in the eyes of our LORD, insolent, proud and boastful; they are immoral; they do not keep their promises and they show no kindness or pity on others.”  (Rom 1: 29-32



Because of what men do,

HE CAN GIVE US OVER to REPROBATE mind…

Especially when we indulge in—

     Unending bitterness,

     Vehement hatred,

     Hardening evil ridden hearts,

We thrive on festering ill like a boil into one another’s lives…

Not just to dismantle  friends,

But to annihilate another’s mind…because of our own pain.



I  LOVED YOU…

You raised me up to a higher level.

You are beautiful, kind, loving.

And it hurts NOT to say, “but”, to leave it as is.

I see now, this intrusion...

     Is my pain…and I have to deal with it.

I can only take responsibility for what I am guilty for…

The rest, is between you and your God to decipher.

To make sense of your life when I cannot.

That even when I think…

    Of the evil, that I PERCEIVE...

         You have done to me for 12 months now,

         Lying to me about children…your past,

         The deceit…

         Nor the proud boasting

         Of your degrees that you couldn’t trust to show me.

    

Neither of us had to be a “victim”…

    Of circumstance,

    Of each other,

    Of pride.



I thought I was UNLIKE you.

But I have carved words of animosity with my anger

    Into my heart, mind, and spirit.

I have bragged of my…

    Hatefulness,

    Resentment,

    & Fury towards you.

I have gone out of my way…

    To show you no mercy, kindness or pity either.



Ironic, I fell into my own trap of pride…

Feeling, Thinking, Acting, Reacting…

As if you were the only one sewing seeds of “REPROBATE” mind.

Like a true wolf in sheep’s clothing…



I too have been more than an unruly



CHILD OF GOD...

AND I DO KNOW BETTER.



And as I have continued this feeding frenzy,

That stems from my pain…VENGEFUL…

    Upon your character,

    Upon you as a person,

    Upon you as a CHILD OF GOD…

It  has NOT only DISGRACED my Humanity,

But has Offended My Lord, My Salvation…

Who died for your sins…AND MINE.



STEPHEN PROCLAIMED:



“How stubborn you are!  How heathen your hearts, how deaf you are to God’s message!  You are just like your ancestors:  you too have always resisted the Holy Spirit!  Was there a single prophet that your ancestors did not persecute?  They killed God’s messengers, who long ago announced the coming of His righteous Servant.  And now you have betrayed and Murdered Him.  You are the ones who received God’s law, that was handed down by ANGELS—yet you have not obeyed it!



“As members of the Council listened to Stephen they became furious and ground their teeth at him in anger.  But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw God’s glory, and Jesus standing at the right side of God.  “Look!” he said.  “I see heaven opened and the Son of Man standing at the right side of God!”  With a loud cry they stopped up their ears, and all rushed together at him at once.  They threw him out of the city and stoned him…..They kept on stoning Stephen as he called on the Lord, “Lord, Jesus, receive my spirit!”  Do not remember this sin against them!”  



HE SAID THIS…AND DIED.” (Acts 7: 51-60)



At times, during these last few months…

I have wished you would have struck me in your frustration…

So as  to have not prolonged our:

    Anger,

    Hurt,

    This enveloping rage…that in it’s consuming has brought

        

NOTHING GOOD.



Even if your fist flung,

Even if your reservoir was not filled by me…

    But poured out onto my body…

I could have at least walked away…

With your anger and resentment spent…

Because physical scars are often once and heal soon.



This would have felt so much better,

Than these last few months of,

    Paranoid strain,

    Hyper-vigilence  of looking over our shoulders,

    Our Inability to sleep,

    Our fighting,

    And the mental fatigue, anguish, and pain we've caused

         One another.



THIS IS NOT WHAT HE WANTS...FROM OR FOR...EITHER OF US.



It is for all these reasons…

I lay down my stones…cast them away…

I ask forgiveness of ME from MY LORD…

I know if He forgives me of mine…

    Against HIM…

    Against YOU…

And that I ask Him that He also "remembers no sin"

         Of yours against me

         Of yours against Him.

    

THAT HE RESTORES US BOTH...



TO THAT WONDERFUL LOVING PLACE…



Where He carved us from...

    His own Heart…

    His own Body…

    His own Spirit…

    His own Soul…