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JUST FOR ME
Folder:
POEMS FOR ME JUST FOR ME
I used to rely on what you thought.
Unknowing of how a diabolicly brutal
House on fire, with locked doors,
Could feel like the slam of metal doors,
Of an insane asylum.
I sought people to teach me how,
I could VALIDATE myself.
Because ultimately, YOUR system has no,
GUARANTEE or WARRANTY…
Or HAZZARD PAY.
If we ever!…..
Easily, without the slightest hesitation,
YOU”D GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE,
Never remembering how I dangled,
Like a puppet with a few strings upholding my weight,
LIFELESS IN PIG SLOP
Then remarkably,
I was caught in Quicksand between,
SHAME & GUILT.
You didn’t flinch when I found myself in a
BOTTOMLESS PIT
Of self loathing,
Of self disgust,
Of self-hate,
Not even sparing me from
SELF-INJURY.
That occurred under your eyes.
TODAY.
Today, I say no more…
NO THANK-YOU.
And I’m not interested in anymore of your,
SOLICITATIONS.
CO-DEPENDENCE? NO WAY!
NO MORE! NO HOW!
GET REAL!
I WILL HAVE
MY FRIENDS & CONFIDANTS,
MY WRITING, MUSIC, & ARTISTRY,
MY PETS, HOME & GARDEN,
MY SOCIAL EVENTS, MY CHURCH, & SUPPORT GROUP.
What expert are you on MY LIFE?
With utmost certainty, I will DEFEND these, they are:
100% NON-NEGOTIABLE!
NOT FOR SALE!
NO EXCHANGES OR REFUNDS!
AND I WILL TAKE NO PRISONERS.
YOUR OPINION, concerns me not…
Who the hell are you to say,
Where MY place is or isn’t?
WHO MY friends should or shouldn’t be?
Or what church I go to?
Or HOW I FUCKING DRESS!
IF you love me, love me as I AM.
IF there is change to make, it’s MY CHANGE TO MAKE.
I CAN WALK BY MYSELF!
DO NOT CODDLE ME LIKE A FATHER WHO TEACHES HIS CHILD TO WALK
BY PLACING A TODDLERS FEET ON HIS OWN.
YOU ARE NOT MY PARENT…
I AM NOT YOUR CHILD!
YOU ARE NOT NEEDED TO FIX
WHAT YOU DEEM IS NECESSASARY.
I’M NOT SAYING…YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT
TO TRY AND NEGATE YOU IN ANYWAY.
I STILL LOVE YOU,
I find you beautiful,
Full of energy,
With likes and dislikes,
Wants desires and needs,
Feelings and thoughts.
I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND BOUNDRIES,
BUT IF YOU CAN”T, YOU HAVE TO GO.
YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ME,
BUT I ACTUALLY LOVE ME,
AND I WON”T ALLOW YOU TO TREAT ME THIS WAY…
I WILL NOT LET YOU.
However:
As I extend one more chance…
Please, know that I fell in love with a woman…
With whom I held hands,
Walked side by side in life.
NOW…
As we approach the pond of life,
And enjoy skipping stones of
JOY & SORROW.
To see how far, when we as the stone itself,
Can glide, ride and coast over bad times,
Enjoy the air-like ride of happy moments,
Watch tapped rings in wonder with the
Amazement each day of life can bring.
I DESERVE THE BEST,
YOUR WHOLE HEART,
NOTHING MORE,
NOTHING LESS.
Originally wrote: March 13, 2003
