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When you finally wake up
When you finally wake up, it a somber moment. The exact time is unclear but you do know that you were different when you woke. You begin to realize the things that you did not truly see before. The conversations you had that you believed to be true conversations but instead were really the delusions of a man talking to a wall hoping for companionship. The friendships you had were really just you being on the tailcoats of other friendships and you happened to be a side thought. The dance you had with her for weeks and the slow fall that you could have sworn you were taking together, ended up being just you falling to the ground.as she fell into the arms of another time and time again. The desperate cries you let out into the void and the response you recieved back that you thought was finally your salvation, was just another smoke and mirror illusion. The offers and hands that reached out to you and pulled you into their arms, only to be folded the time that you really needed them. How many things can possibly be there but no be there.
When you wake up, you begin to understand that it is not just everyone else. You reflect and comprehend the extent to which you have been deluding yourself. The clarity that led to realizing you are the reason you have not changed. The months of telling yourself to get to it sooner, the semester after semester of saying this is the one where I finally get on top of things. Then waking up months later remmebering the exact moment you said you were going to change, only it was months ago and the exact same as now. How do you forgive yourself for not becoming the things you could have become. How do you possibly go on deluding yourself for this long that something will magically change.
When you finally wake up, and realize that everything is not alright, I'll be here. Please, don't hesitate to reach out your hand. I know I could have used one.
