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My Dreams
I yawn and turn over in bed.
Can't sleep.
Again.
Downstairs the TV is on
And I can hear you calling names
Of players in your never-ending game.
You cheer and wake up my brother
But you don't realize it.
The TV is up too high.
So I stand to take care of the child
But he falls silent
So I return to bed
And pull the blanket up over my head
And curl into a tight ball
For protection from my dreams.
Your heavy footsteps outside of my door
Drag just enough to tell me you're sober
But not enough to tell me whether you
Plan to take my innocence again,
What's left of it, anyway.
Slight fluctuations in your breath that I
Pretend I can detect.
My mind flashes to the clock on the nightstand.
Red blinking numbers that tell the time
Reliably.
Readily.
I can feel the cold knife of air pass under the sheets
And back up to clip the back of my neck and intensify
My shaking, which was caused by you're presence in this room.
A thousand frozen needles cutting my flesh
As you pull back the red blanket and
Lie down without a word behind me.
For a moment you wait, calm fluttering in my chest turns to acid
Running through my lungs. Your hands are gentle at first, as they
Peel me out of my enclosed shape. You smile and leave saliva on my neck
As if I was your wife, and not your daughter . Am I your daughter? I might as well not be.
Lying in your arms I used to be safe, when I was small and would climb in beside you
After a nightmare, when the memory was fresh in my mind of being shot through the chest
And you would always hold me and tell me everything would be okay. Did you believe yourself?
Hands all over me, like raindrops or a shower running over my skin. You might as well be made of fire.
I can't help but feel like this s what I want. Can't help but feel like sex with you isn't that bad. Is it
Because I'm used to it? Used to you? I used to go somewhere else in my mind but now I
Stay here mentally with you as you find what you were looking for between my legs
And move your hands back and forth over it, preparing me for what you'll do.
I can't do anything but stare at the clock and be glad it'll all be over soon.
You line yourself up with me and it doesn't hurt anymore, I just feel
A slight pressure as you press your hands to my hips to hold me
Steady. Your body rocks sideways, I'm amazed you can do
This in such an odd position. Usually we've flipped by
Now. Now? Now you swallow hard and I can feel
Saliva running down your throat and my neck
And other fluids running from lower places
Onto the sheet; it'll stain slightly lighter
Than the blanket originally was....
You grunt and moan as you hit the brink of
Your moment in the sun, and as you step away
There's a glow coming from your body. Leftover
From when you finished your task.
You leave me to clean up,
To pass out even though I'm
Covered in both of our sweat and
Saliva and blood from where you bit me,
Semi-white liquid left for me to dispose of.
But I don't clean up.
I'm too exhausted.
I can't move, really.
As I catch my breath,
Exhaustion
Puts
Me
To
S
L
E
E
P
.
original poem by: Katie Menzies
(c) 2011-ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
