Dear daddy dearest
You once told me I was your first love
But how do I truly know?
When did this love happen?
Was it when you denied me as yours from the time I was in the womb?
Or could it be when I was born and you finally accepted me?
But acceptance wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Turns out acceptance meant always getting my hopes up that daddy would finally be on time or keep his word when he said he would come.
Acceptance meant understanding that some men were truly dogs.
It meant having your wife curse out mommy over the phone and me having to endure it.
It meant spending weekends over at your house and watching my brothers get beat with a belt by you .
Acceptance meant that I would have to accept you making my heart ache and you eventually being my first heartbreak.
Acceptance meant finding out that just because someone says they love you that it doesnt mean that they won't hurt you.
It turns out that acceptance from you meant pain.
It took 18 years but I finally realized that I don't need your acceptance.
You need mine.
So I need you to accept that my love isn't as unconditional or all enduring as you think it is.
And I need you to accept that I'm letting you go with all the pain you've caused.