Author Information
DYSPHORIC
DYSPHORIC
Written by Alana Cheng
I’m feeling so dysphoric in the light upon having to be estranged with a dysphoric emotion of truth and misconception that is heartbreaking and heart wrenching to what I can experience of what I’ve already experienced before, for what I can do the best that I can to find myself in some way to take me back home to me, wherever that home of mine might be, as I’ve never been so far away from the girl and woman that I’ve always been, with this sensory overload of trying to fathom where I am today as I have floated away into the deep end of going astray of who I once knew that I used to be, in this dysphoric feeling, with some kind of sweet evolution where I am screaming at the top of my lungs for someone to hear me and to understand me all the way in which I have been suffering in silence for way too long while I’m still singing the same old song of being at the very deep end of the process of doing whatever I can to find something that might be so beautiful by a deeper creation of light that I hadn’t really quite seen with my open eyes, despite a lot of pushback from trying to get closer, while feeling so dysphoric in this chaotic reality, I’m just doing all that I can to find the girl and the woman that I once knew of myself to be amidst the chaos in a nightmarish dream, with something that I can happen to see through the rose color glasses of the pretense that is being played out in front of me, with such a beautiful and tragic sense of destruction to my existence, in feeling so dysphoric of which it would all come through the speakers of the most lyrical words that are being sung out loud into the air and into my ears that would transcend into my soul, where I have also come to know that I am no one’s secret to be kept in the dark, with everything that has only just gotten me on edge, as I just don’t seem to know what I used to know anymore, in having to feel so dysphoric, with everything that I’m no longer sure of, by these haunted aspects of this defragmentation, in feeling so dysphoric amongst all that would seem to be in this state of mind, when push comes to shove, and to be so blindly mistaken in thinking that anyone would understand me so easily, when in truth, it is only for me to try and do all that I can to understand myself fully, while feeling so dysphoric, as my whole core of emotions are shaken, with a cosmic force of nature, by a deep cut of this resonance of being so hard at work so constantly in always having to fight to keep my head up through the years, with a momentum of emotion that keeps me surrounded by the chaos in my heart while also feeling the emptiness of a bleeding heart that I am always having to mend on my own when the chips are down, as I know that there is the dysphoric emotion that will never go away, but I know for one thing that my strength of eternal confidence to keep going will be in my heart to stay.
