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SILENT FIGHTS
SILENT FIGHTS
Written by Alana Cheng
Through all of the silent nights, in the silent fights, with only myself in the days and nights of regret and sadness, to have even opened my mouth in the first place, although it is also the sweetest awakening to the feel of everything that has come and gone, way too quickly, of having to understand that I am really fighting with myself, while standing so proudly on the shelf, thinking that I was fighting the world of life itself, in everything that is rushing away from me, in the silent fights, with these ever so chaotic nights, ever so chaotically, with the wavelength to this state of being of this existence, to build resistance, ever so slowly to go heart to heart with myself in this self-confrontation of this affiliation to my well-being of the subconscious that can lead me to absolutely anywhere at all, with only me to take the fall, for all that has been messing me up, way too easily, to be in such a fragile state, to be on a high scale of tolerance and intolerance to the reality of life itself, all around me as I’m just trying to get through the day in the best way that I can, ever so lovingly, so ever so lively, and ever so beautifully in all that I can throughout the days and nights, with all of these silent fights with myself, as I have been trying to keep myself from falling off the shelf of keeping it together for as much as I have been able to, with all that I have gone through, over and over, but it’s all never really over of the overwhelming sensations of yesterday and today, of the silent fights with myself, and with the affiliation to the distress that is making me feel like such a chaotic mess in the days and nights of these little silent fights, for all that I have been doing to battle with myself, just to get back up, even when it’s just way too much for me to even bare, with the honesty that sometimes confines me into a lifetime of regret of opening my mouth to speak truth to my feelings of breaking down so easily, to end up having my little silent fights, just to feel the infliction of such self-destruction all the time, but even though my emotions can easily turn on a dime, with all of my little silent fights with only myself to feel so much, I know that I will still be okay, even if I’m not feeling okay right now today, I know that I will eventually be able to feel a sense of genuine peace, aside from all of the days and nights, of all of my silent fights, in some way, to lead me right to the feeling of genuine healing someday.
