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And all that there is, is here where I sit
Drowning, the weight of the water pushes in from all sides, my ribs are crushed by sadness and confusion, the thick fluid pushes at my mouth and nostrils, I cant breathe, and the pain increases as the air drains from my blood.
No respite from the crushing agony, the fear filled hateful anger swirls in my head with the currents of the ocean that has been my home for all time. I cant breathe I seek the surface with fitful desperation.
The surface comes from time to time, with no consistency, its seems as though on some whim the current turns. I break from the weighty fathoms and gasp in the clean soft air that fill me with peace joy and lightness, the air pours in anew, I taste the light high above the dark waters of my life. The sun warms my skin and the wind on miraculous occasion will lift me from the watery sleep and happiness replaces struggle, light drives out the cold dark, as I sore above the turbulent waters and see far beyond even my eyes can see. From here I see the sky the water as one and I am at peace.
The whim then turns again. I am thrust or pulled I know not which. Plunged back into a sea of lost agony, with barely time to take a last deep breath of clean air. Down I go, the pressure increases and phantoms of the deep bite with each league I descend, the pressure begins to close in on me once more, this surely must be the end, this time must be the last, how can I survive, I don’t want to. Endless time passes and the struggle again becomes my life, I scream and stretch to find the air from that distant memory of light and flight in peace. I search out the current that last did pull me from the depth of this unending sea. The memory of light fades and it seems my last moment is here, a moment that will, does not, no matter my pleading crush me to oblivion.
From the hopeless mist of confusion, when all seems lost, the words, the sky and the water are one, echo through the sea, like a song from some other whom these waters were once home. Desperation, drives me, I listen to those words hearing them anew, knowing they are the oldest words I have always known. I close my eyes to the cold salty sting of the black, I breathe a deep breath, deeper than any breath I have ever taken, so deep so long, the air fills my aching body and beyond. I am floating higher that ever before, I must be atop the highest mountain, amongst the stars, at the end of time where time began. I exhale, open my eyes and see then I am still beneath ocean, above the sky, on the water and everywhere in between. It’s all before me, the cold and the warmth, the light and the dark, and yet I am untouched, eternally peaceful, the phantoms still move in the water, the light still shines in the sky. I am all of it, I am none of it, the struggle from one to other is over, the sea and the sky are one, and I am nothing. Peaceful nothing.
