How Do I Celebrate Valentine's Day?


Can’t there be a holiday for the lonely people?


People walking around in a daze


Makeup running down their cheeks


Reflecting on the one who slipped through their needy fingers


Or cursing their solitude


Wishing no one would have to share their quiet worthlessness




Instead we pile teddy bears onto shelves like shitty food onto cafeteria trays


We cram chocolate into heart shaped boxes


Packed tightly, claustrophobic


Like the air tight monogamy of a committed relationship


We buy women expensive lingerie


Only to tear it off the minute it’s in front of us


We buy overpriced cards so Hallmark


Can tell our partner how we really feel


And we do it all in the name of love,


Or at least whatever we’re calling the social contract conjoining two people


Who enjoy talking to each other almost as much as fucking


I want a national regrets day


Just some sort of terrible liquor on clearance


And a note pad where everyone can write down their mistakes


Could I finally make my friends jealous as they awe at my expansive scroll?


And what about slutty people?


Where is their holiday? (If we’re not counting Halloween)


Divorced, widowed?


I think they deserve a holiday as well.


Some people have good reason to avoid relationships


Perhaps they had the romance of the century


Until an untimely death or illness


Maybe he turned out to be a cheater


Maybe she turned out to be a he


But alas,


I get on with my point,


Valentine’s Day isn’t the celebration of real love


It’s the annual cornballathon ode to our obsessed, idealistic vision of it


Love is powerful and incredible


But it’s also brutal and gross


It has sharp elbows not found on a cuddly teddy bear


And when you celebrate love


You’re also celebrating jealousy, revenge and despair


It may be too darn starry- eyed for one to suggest we stop pretending love is anything you’d be able buy in a store


But my non- conformist, abominably angst ridden heart is unrelenting in its pursuit


Start enjoying what we really are


Not what the commercials say we should be


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