The email said call home immediately. He committed suicide last night. Will you come home for the funeral? I went out alone. I wanted to feel no pain. I wanted to kill guilty feelings, heavy thoughts. Thoughts that pull me down, down into the sediment at the bottom of the pitch black watery abyss.

I drive at random. Bar after bar. In a mood for conversation with strangers. What do you do? Tech... manufacturing... fast-food franchise manager... stripper... salesman... broker... lawyer... small business owner... I leave my car in the parking lot of a bar, recording a verbal reminder on my smartphone, order an Uber, and continue down the rabbithole. This city is like a toilet. Its filled with scum like me. City of lost souls. Distracted minds. Sober slow death.


I lean into the bar. I feel my nervous system numbing. He's dead. He's gone on. He's ahead of me now. Where will we meet again? Will the Chinese retaliatory tariff on US soybean farmers be detrimental to the global economy to a significant degree? Too soon to say...

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